The Doctor Who Emergency Fanw*nk Hotline Week 7: ‘The Pyramid at the End of the World’

This article contains spoilers for ‘The Pyramid at the End of the World’, as in it has 11 attempts at jokes that don’t make sense unless you’ve watched it.

It doesn’t contain spoilers as in the unfortunate feature of car design that – if crop tops and distressed jeans are anything to go by – will probably be part of the current Nineties revival:

Press 1 if you kinda hope all the pre-credits sequences are now just Bill and Penny’s dates being interrupted by increasingly outlandish authority figures.

Press 2 if you miss the days when UNIT would’ve just sent Benton round.

Press 3 if you weren’t expecting to see Malcolm Tucker finally get his revenge on Dan Miller.

Press 4 if you refuse to believe scientists would be that careless.

Press 5 if you’ve met scientists just like that and, now you think about it, yes, that’s another potential cause of the apocalypse to add to the list LOL

Press 6 if you’d like to be in the room at Milk VFX when one of them comes up with a new effect for disintegrating people.

Press 7 if you would like to have sat in at the meeting where the monks brainstormed weird shit that would be hella incongruous if it appeared from nowhere. In fact, most of your fan fiction is about the planning stages of villainous schemes, for example: The Master decides to install a little lift in his Block Transfer prison, the Cult of Skaro decide to kidnap a pig, the Black Guardian deciding that – out of every single being in the universe – Turlough is the best person to kill the Doctor, and – your personal favourite – the Kraals try to work out a catchphrase.

Press 8 if you’re trying to work out when Nardole was rebuilt, like; did the Doctor have a shed he kept going out to while River was off doing archaeology?

Press 9 if you would like to put Togo Igawa forward as the new Geoffrey Palmer.

Furiously mash the # button if you can’t believe Bill would do something like that, ignoring the Doctor and dooming the planet, almost as if a cliffhanger was coming up, jeez.

Gleefully mash the * button if you can’t believe Bill would do something like that, saving Peter Capaldi from regenerating into Kris Marshall with six episodes to go. Good one Bill.

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What did you think of ‘The Pyramid at the End of the World’? Let us know below…

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