If anybody wanted to devise a Midsomer Murders drinking game then ‘disgruntled villagers’ should certainly be one cue to take a sip.
Last week they were moaning about the sculpture park, this week it’s archaeologists.
‘Saints and Sinners’ starts with the discovery of a skeleton in the ground. It’s not the first body ever to be dug up in Midsomer, but this one is older than most. The archaeologists have located the mortal remains of 16th Century protestant martyr Cicely Milson after who the village of Midsomer Cicely is named. Unfortunately the villagers already claim to have Cicely’s mortal remains, on display in the local church.
Very shortly after the discovery, somebody (probably disgruntled) gets the murdering underway with the lead archaeologist ending up, rather ironically, as a body in the ground – from where, something nearer to five hours rather than five centuries later, she is ‘excavated’ by Dr Kam.
Another sure fire way to a hangover in the Midsomer drinking game would be ‘dodgy clergy’. One of the earliest and best episodes featured Richard Briers as the vicar of Badger’s Drift; and both Michael Jayston and Rebecca Strong played vicars in an episode a year or two back. In all cases, even where they’ve not actually been killers they’ve turned out to be, shall we say, not in any sort of position to cast the first stone.
Midsomer Cicely has two gentlemen of the cloth, and both turn out to have their secrets. The young curate Bartholomew (Kingsley Ben-Adir) initially appears to be the voice of reason, suggesting the villagers should tone down the celebratory tone of their Cicely Day festivities in light of the recent murders.
But he turns out to be ambitious, and ruthless with it, happy to discredit the present Vicar if it will help him get a parish of his own. He’s also having an affair with one of his parishioners – and although he doesn’t appear unduly worried about what the Almighty might think about that he’s very keen to keep it a secret from the Dean’s office.
His senior, the Rev Peter Corby (Malcolm Sinclair) is even more tangled up in secrecy. He was the man who ‘miraculously’ discovered Cicely’s remains some fourteen years ago, only a matter of months after being appointed Vicar. It’s a discovery that has unified the village, almost to a man – the exception being his brother Christopher (Aden Gillett) who throughout maintains that the Church’s Cicely is a fake.
To be fair, and at the risk of sounding like his lawyer, the Rev Corby does try to make the case that the truth doesn’t necessarily matter: “All that matters is what they believe… the village believe in Cicely” he says. Faith rather than proof, one assumes, although of course Barnaby and Nelson only deal in the latter.
It’s a brutal show, Midsomer Murders, beneath the ‘quaint old village green’ feel to many of its episodes.
Not just in the obvious ‘three murders a week’ way, although that’s brutal enough what with number one suffocating in dirt, number two crushed by a gravestone, and number three stabbed straight through by a 16th Century pikestaff. But brutal too in the way that it dumps characters as soon as their usefulness to the main storyline is done.
Will Rhiannon Sawney go back to her husband, now that her lover has rejected her? With the Rev Corby arrested for theft of the real Cicely’s bones will the morally-dubious Bartholomew be promoted? Will Landlord Jared Horton end up in prison for assault, theft, and withholding evidence? If he does, will the village lose its pub? Or will his Mum take over, becoming probably the most miserable landlady in the whole of Midsomer?
We’ll never know, because as soon as they’re eliminated from Barnaby’s enquiries they’re also eliminated from the story.
But then this is a Whodunnit, not an everyday story of country folk like Emmerdale or The Archers, so we aren’t really expected to care… except for our regulars, and in that department at least it seems there’s something going on. Although we don’t actually get to meet him, this week Kam’s long-distance boyfriend pays her a visit, loses a tennis match, and goes.
The ever-competitive Kam starts the episode ruthlessly practicing against Charlie ready for Harry’s arrival but finds that winning isn’t everything: “He’s a terrible loser… unlike you,” she tells Charlie, in what might well be called a backhand compliment. The episode ends, however, with her rather obviously letting Charlie win.
I’m no detective, but I think there may just be a little bit of romance in the air.
Aired at 8pm on Wednesday 10 February 2016 on ITV.
> Buy the complete Season 17 box set on Amazon.
What did you think of this week’s episode? Let us know below…